Let’s begin with what are limiting beliefs – where do they come from and why it is so important to release them for women?
When I speak of limiting beliefs, I am referring to all the negative thoughts and feelings that we tell ourselves are true. Thoughts like I am not good enough, I can’t charge that much, I can’t ask for a raise, it’s really hard to make money, I have to be perfect before I can put myself out there, or my materials and content need to be perfect before I put them out there, they won’t like what I have to offer, I can’t be seen as too powerful in the way I present myself, I can’t say no etc. etc. etc.
Does any of this resonate with you?
If we take these thoughts and feelings a step further as to how they translate into patterns of behavior or how they show up – it may look like feeling anxious, self-doubt, zoning out, anger, frustration, overwhelm, analysis paralysis, and the big one we are focusing on today is self-sabotage which typically shows up as procrastination and avoiding people & situations that make you feel uncomfortable, making excuses & perfectionism.
Self-sabotage is directly linked to negative self-talk. There is an underlying fear of change.
Again, does any of this resonate with you? And if it does, what is it costing you in terms of growing yourself or growing a business?
So let’s talk about where these limiting beliefs come from. They are all what I like to refer to as the “tribal” messages that were handed down from our parents/care-takers. It’s the generational, cultural, societal and institutional “norms” that we were force fed at very early ages and that were reinforced into adulthood of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable ways to behave.
It is all of the messaging that has been encoded into our subconscious mind and that we are (for the most part) completely unaware of. These “invisible” or underlying beliefs affect and limit how we think about ourselves – our worthiness, our confidence, our relationships, our finances and so much more.
Women in general have been handed down many negative messages about how we are to behave and these messages are directly linked to how we play in our business, our relationships and our lives.
Messages like:
- girls are supposed to be everything nice like sugar and spice
- women aren’t allowed to express frustration or anger – if they do they are seen as very aggressive where as a man can express the same emotions but be seen as simply strong in his opinion and is being assertive
- maybe you heard early on that women should not be in the workplace or own a business – that is a man’s job
- women should not be confident in themselves or own their power because if they do they are seen as arrogant
- women don’t deserve the same pay as men
- back in the day I remember when women were not allowed to have their own credit card or own an automobile or a house without a man co-signing
And when we think about self-sabotage more often than not these messages include an element of being shamed.
For example, think of the small child who spills a glass of milk and the mother responds with here we go again, how many times have I told you to hold your glass with two hands, what’s the matter with you, you’re such a clutz, I spent good money on this milk and you just threw down the drain….and then perhaps the child is then sent to bed without any dinner. What messages do you think is conveyed and is engrained?
Perhaps, I cannot make mistakes, I have to be perfect at all times, I am not good enough as I am, I do not deserve good things.
So you can see how these messages we received early on and that were layered and layered upon into adulthood negatively impact us.
The cost is HUGE when we are trying to grow ourselves, grow a business, get promoted, etc.
The good news we can overcome these beliefs and transform into a more empowered state of being. There are different tools we can use and I am particularly partial to a technique that I learned a few years ago that became a game changer for me. It’s called tapping or the Emotional Freedom Technique. This powerful technique provides a way to voice, process and really release what holds us back from feeling fully supported and grounded in whatever we do, from having confidence in our decisions, having the courage to take the bold actions – because that is what it takes to grow ourselves, to be in business or own a business and grow it – we need to able to take that next step that next bold action without self-sabotage or procrastination. And to have compassion for ourselves – because all of these early and layered negative messages turn on our inner critic – you know that negative voice inside your head – the voice that constantly beats you up, judges you and shames you – And we want to quiet that voice so we can love ourselves fully flaws and all.
What is tapping? Tapping or the Emotional Freedom Technique is a clinically proven technique whereby we tap on certain acupressure points to release resistance in the nervous system. This technique has a direct impact on decreasing the fight or flight response. Because when we are triggered in any way, for example taking that next bold step in our business or having a conversation with a family member that feels uncomfortable, there is a certain level of anxiousness or fear underneath. The nervous system gets triggered, and it shows up in our bodies such as tightness in your stomach, or tightness in your chest, or maybe you get a little teary-eyed when you try to speak your truth or maybe your throat closes and you get choked up. So, when these signals in our body start to occur or certain behaviors show up like self-sabotage, procrastination and overwhelm, we have a way to get underneath and process them. We can use tapping to bring the stress-response down and come into a grounded and centered place. If you watched the US Oscars a few weeks back and saw what happened with Will Smith (and let me say I do not condone what he did) …it was an example of being in complete fight or flight. He was not in his rational thinking mind. When we are in fight or flight, the blood rushes from our pre-frontal cortex (the rational thinking part of the brain) to the extremities and we are no longer in our rational thinking mind. We shift into auto-pilot and our limiting beliefs take the lead. It takes us away from being in our most inspired, creative, confident, grounded, leadership energy. And we need this type of energy to evolve into our next most empowered version of ourselves.
And that’s why I believe it is so important to talk about and educate women on the concepts and constructs of limiting beliefs and the impact they have on us.
If you are interested in learning more and want to actually experience what I do firsthand, I invite you to join my WOMEN’S Private FB group where I hold valuable free trainings to release specific limiting beliefs and so much more Confident Success-Driven Women | Facebook
I truly believe that if we want to grow in any way, we need to become aware of our patterns of behavior. Awareness is key critical number one otherwise we move forward on autopilot and the tribal messages take the lead. Once we become aware, we need to address the underlying limiting beliefs that contribute to the behaviors because once we see it, we can reframe it and finally, we need to ask for support and get the tools to process and release them.
My deepest desire for you is to grow yourself to highest most empowered version of you. I know you can do it. And I would be honored to help support you to get you there.