In every ending, there is a new beginning!
So why then do most of us feel like a failure if we quit something that does not serve us well?
In general, most of us want to quit “something” when it makes us unhappy or very uncomfortable. Now before you start blaming and shaming yourself for wanting to quit something, let’s take a step back for a moment and pull in more awareness. Understanding why we took on that certain “something” in the first place and figuring out why we are thinking about giving it up can bring in the awareness needed to decide what’s best.
Most people (myself included) stay in situations that aren’t good for them for many reasons: money, time, responsibilities, fear, guilt and let’s not forget the driver behind many of these feelings – the societal programming and the messages we were taught that say quitters are losers and weak. Plus, it’s much easier to keep doing the things that don’t make us feel fully alive because then we don’t have to experience the worries and fears around making a change and/or risking the disapproval of others. And while these thoughts and feelings are valid, they are not reasons to keep doing something that makes you feel miserable.
A personal share…It took me years to finally leave a career that I was really good at but didn’t really love. In fact, some of the roles I had over the 30+ years I didn’t even like! But I stayed anyway and yes there were times when staying adversely affected my health. My biggest fear was always money! It stifled my ability to see anyway out -that is until I started doing focused inner work. My inner work led me down a path that I could not even imagine. One filled with passion, joy and possibility! Scary at first? Yes! And I am so happy I made the choice to quit. Everything since then has worked out beautifully to my surprise and delight and satisfaction beyond my dreams.
The fact is justifying staying in a bad situation, whether well-intentioned or not, does a massive disservice to you and those around you. The costs are huge in terms of our health and overall well-being. It is not the way to living a whole-hearted life.
So how do we figure out if quitting is the right thing to do? Start by focusing on “why” you wanted that experience to begin with and take a good look at what your values are. These two steps will help you determine whether or not what you are doing is in alignment. If you find that what you are doing aligns with your why and values, it may be that this is just a challenge that you need to overcome. Yes, every worthwhile endeavor will have its challenges and setbacks.
This is where being honest with yourself and asking yourself probing questions can assist you. Questions like:
- Am I learning something valuable from this experience?
- Is this experience helping me to improve professionally or personally?
- Am I staying in this situation for myself or someone else?
- Are the reasons I’m staying in this situation logical?
- Am I staying out of fear or guilt?
- Do I have access to a potentially better situation?
- Do I want to pursue a new path?
- Who am I really hurting or disappointing if I decide to try something new?
- Is the situation I am experiencing toxic?
- Am I in constant overwhelm?
- Do I wake up every morning in dread?
- Is my health at risk or am I already experiencing health issues being in this situation?
And if you find that you absolutely hate something and yet you still plan to continue doing it, make sure you have very good reasons. You’re doing it only because it will lead you to something you love AND the key here is – there is no better way for you to get where you want to go.
On the other hand, if your assessment leads you to a decision to quit – know that this does not mean you’ve failed. Too often quitting gets lumped in with failure. But quitting and failure are two completely different things. Failure happens when something is out of our control. Quitting on the other means you’re making a conscious decision and taking control of the situation to be make your life better in some way.
Quitting something that is not truly in alignment with you gives you the freedom, time and space to explore new possibilities with greater clarity. In fact, the Latin origin of the word quit means calm and resting. So, take a deep breath, step back, reflect on what you were doing, your why and your values and apply all you have learned to your next step. Keep exploring until you find what you love. Yes, this may mean quitting again and again – and that is ok! It is your life and a process to take the necessary steps to lead you forward and not backwards.
And yes, this may mean you have to face a fear, set a boundary or learn to say no, but the rewards in your physical and emotional health will far outweigh the discomfort. You were meant to live your life fully, in joy and happiness.
Remember … In every ending, there is a new beginning! A big, bright, beautiful beginning. Be bold. Stay true to yourself and do what you truly want to do and be who you really want to be.