Ahhh the New Year – a time for setting intentions and making resolutions! Going after all of the goals we’ve been putting off. A fresh start! Why is it then that most of us see our intentions and resolutions fade within a few weeks? Why does this happen? Well in part because we start from a place of “shoulding” on ourselves – like I should lose weight or I should exercise more and so on. When we start with a “should” we are already placing judgment on ourselves. Think about that for a moment – when somebody says you should do this or that, how do you feel? Perhaps inadequate or maybe not good enough. Right?!
Most of us really don’t think about the hidden judgments that come along with shoulds because we were taught at a very early age that shoulds (mixed in with a little guilt) are simply motivators. Say what?! Yes, and we accepted that as truth. Hence, we unconsciously move forward or what I refer to as “on autopilot”. What happens next? Because it is the New Year, we SuperSize our shoulds! – I should go to the gym at least 5 days a week or I should lose 30 pounds by Valentine’s Day. And as soon as we slip off the “should-wagon”, we give up…why? because we already started with a judgment against ourselves and so the slightest misstep proves we couldn’t do it – that we weren’t good enough, maybe strong enough or smart enough. Ugh.
So, what if we step back and take a different tack this year? Especially, if you just spent the last few months in holiday celebration and all that comes with that. How would it feel to make January a time of rest and reflection? Just as the animal and plant kingdoms go into hibernation, perhaps we too need a time of hibernation. Unplug from social media, news, distractions and other noise that may interfere with self-exploration.
I invite you to get quiet and take time to write about where you have been in the past year – your accomplishments, what went well, what didn’t go so well, and what lessons you learned. Start to become aware of the areas you are “shoulding” on yourself and where negative self-talk blocks you from making permanent changes.
How we speak to ourselves and the language we use is key to transformation! So, let’s start with getting rid of the word should and turn it into “I choose” to take a step or not take a step. Feel into the power of that. Think about words you can bring in to encourage and empower yourself when a should starts to creep in.
The first step to making (and more importantly maintaining) a change is awareness. The more we can get clear about what we desire and what blocks us from getting what we desire, the easier the steps become to get us there.
So here’s to hibernation, reflection, rejuvenation, liberation and transformation! Change is on its way.
Cheers!