What are boundaries?
The word “boundary” can be a bit misleading without its full context. By definition a boundary is a line that marks the limits of an area. However, if we place the meaning in terms of “personal boundaries”, it conveys the concept of rules or limits we put into place to establish permissible ways for other people to treat us.
What do personal boundaries do for us?
They provide us with a mechanism to take responsibility for who we are and take control of our lives. They help us to preserve our integrity. When we have clear personal boundaries in place, we are able to break the cycle of anger, resentment, guilt and “shoulding” on ourselves. Boundaries make our expectations clear, so others know what to expect from us and how we want to be treated. They are the foundation for happy, healthy relationships and overall well-being.
How do we set a personal boundary?
First, we need to become aware or conscious of the situations and people in our lives where we lose or give away our personal power. Tuning into our bodies & emotions are a great way to start to identify these. Paying attention to the people and situations where you start to feel tightness in your chest, a knot forming in your stomach, your throat starting to close, your teeth starting to clench or your eyes starting to fill with tears. These sensations along with feelings of anger or resentment are good indicators that your needs are not being met.
When you identify a need that is not being met, this is where a boundary needs to be established. To set the boundary, keep it simple. There is no need to justify, get angry or apologize for the boundary you are setting. Come from a heart-centered place and state what you need calmly, clearly, firmly and respectfully. This will feel uncomfortable at first, but as you take great care of yourself, the personal power you gain will make it easier.
Please note that if you have been operating in a certain way for a long period of time and your boundary is new, the people around you may not be “comfortable” with it. REMEMBER this – you are NOT responsible for the other person’s reaction to the boundary you are setting. Whatever is coming up for them is their “stuff” – not yours to own. This is where you will want to stand strong in your light. You got this and can do it!! Do NOT give in. If you do, you invite people to ignore your needs and allow the anger, resentment, guilt and “shoulding” on yourself cycle to take over once more.
Why set personal boundaries and why are they so important?
Setting boundaries is an important part of establishing one’s identity and is a crucial aspect of mental health and wellbeing. Boundaries can be physical and/or emotional, and they can range from being loose to rigid, with healthy boundaries often falling somewhere in between. They are important both at home and in the workplace because they help set the bar for acceptable behavior. They lead us to living a whole-hearted life and embrace who we are authentically.
If you are new to setting personal boundaries this can be a difficult proposition. You will need to place yourself at the top of your “list” and move into extreme self-care. Say NO to all of the things that you really do not want to do and behaviors from others that you do not accept. As you may be developing new habits and behaviors to achieve setting healthy boundaries, get support. Find a friend or family member to “test the waters” with. Or seek professional guidance from a life coach.
At Tranquil Heart Wellness we specialize in life coaching and would be delighted to support you with setting healthy personal boundaries. Contact Cindy at [email protected] or 585-703-9244 for more information. Start living your best life now!