February the month that for most of us means a month to celebrate love. The connection of being in a loving relationship with someone else — which is wonderful. However my focus for today’s blog is self-love.
It seems most of us have had or still have a hard time with the concept of self love. There are all kinds of reasons as to why this is a difficult concept to truly accept. There are misperceptions that self love means being selfish and being selfish is a negative thing. There may have been messages received in childhood that formed a belief that we are only loveable under certain conditions i.e. we are loved if we are being “good”. Or we may have made mistakes or errors in judgement later in life that led us to blaming and shaming ourselves and thinking who would love us now.
Well the fact of the matter is that you are loved because you are here. You were born a shining a light of love – that is truth. I propose to you that your perceptions, beliefs and thinking about self love can be changed.
As with any new concept or change, learning to love oneself is a process. One that may take some time, but you are worth it! You can develop new healthy habits and switch your thinking which in turn will create new beliefs. As you do, you will find that self love translates into a richer and fuller life. You have more to give to others. You attract less drama. You build better relationships. And that is just the start.
So what is the next step?
I’d like to share a wonderful excerpt from Psychology Today by Deborah Knoshaba, Psy. D. It is a 7-Step Prescription to start you on the path of self love. And if you find you need help with the steps, I am here for you as your personnel coach. Just reach out, I am happy to support your journey!
1. Become mindful. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want. They are mindful of who they are and act on this knowledge, rather than on what others want for them.
2. Act on what you need rather than what you want. You love yourself when you can turn away from something that feels good and exciting to what you need to stay strong, centered, and moving forward in your life, instead. By staying focused on what you need, you turn away from automatic behavior patterns that get you into trouble, keep you stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.
3. Practice good self-care. You will love yourself more, when you take better care of your basic needs. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions.
4. Set boundaries. You’ll love yourself more when you set limits or say no to work, love, or activities that deplete or harm you physically, emotionally and spiritually, or express poorly who you are.
5. Protect yourself. Bring the right people into your life. I love the term frenemies that I learned from my younger clients. It describes so well the type of “friends” who take pleasure in your pain and loss rather than in your happiness and success. My suggestion to you here: Get rid of them! There isn’t enough time in your life to waste on people who want to take away the shine on your face that says, “I genuinely love myself and life.” You will love and respect yourself more.
6. Forgive yourself. We humans can be so hard on ourselves. The downside of taking responsibility for our actions is punishing ourselves too much for mistakes in learning and growing. You have to accept your humanness (the fact that you are not perfect), before you can truly love yourself. Practice being less hard on yourself when you make a mistake. Remember, there are no failures, if you have learned and grown from your mistakes; there are only lessons learned.
7.Live intentionally. You will accept and love yourself more, whatever is happening in your life, when you live with purpose and design. Your purpose doesn’t have to be crystal clear to you. If your intention is to live a meaningful and healthy life, you will make decisions that support this intention, and feel good about yourself when you succeed in this purpose. You will love yourself more if you see yourself accomplishing what you set out to do. You need to establish your living intentions, to do this.